Solution to the “Hymn Wars”

Every music director knows about these: "The music is too modern, too slow, too fast, not in English, not in Latin, unsingable, boringly easy, etc."

Any week you can hear a random array of these reactions to the same hymns. And for churches serving the "four-hymn sandwich," that's a mountain of contradictory complaints.

Leave those post-Mass problems behind. I have the solution.

On entering the church, each worshipper will pick up a pre-loaded iPod. (This can be one of the less expensive models since the storage space is minimal.) After a brief prayer of recollection, he or she can sit back in the pew and select the hymn package they prefer – contemporary, traditional, kids' favorites, funeral. Then each time a hymn is appropriate, just press "play." Since they don't sing anyway, their voices won't clash.

Another service that can easily improve worship in the "Church of All About Me."

Of course, as an alternative we could educate worshippers in the meaning and purpose of the liturgy.

Comments

[Gavin]

Brilliant! I had that idea some time ago though. I once had an excellent response ready to go for an old thorn in my side who loved to complain about my hymns. Unfortunately(?) she never complained after I came up with the response:

"How HORRIBLE that you don't get to hear the songs YOU like! If only someone would invent a machine of sorts... where one could select from many discs which contained recorded sound... and put those discs on the machine and, by a system of grooves, motors, and needles, hear the music THEY want to hear whenever they want it... Perhaps we could call such a machine a "phonograph". If only someone would invent this glorious device so that you could hear the music that you want to hear!!!"

I totally would have said that.

[Lynn]

I like the alternative.

[Lynn]

Perhaps I'm missing something, but I don't see the relevance of the previous comment...

[Tony]

Awww, Mary Jane... Feeling unappreciated?

I can safely say that in 20 years of choir I have never complained about a song I had to sing. Some I liked less than others, and sometimes mentioned that, but for the most part there was an eclectic enough mix that everyone was ticked off.

I was overjoyed, however, when our pastor placed a moratorium on "Sing a New Church". I don't mind dreary, boring, repetetive or tastless. I draw the line at heretical.

[Brian Michael Page]

LOL - that would be a great seller at either of my last two former parishes.

At the same time, major kudos for the very last sentence of your post.

BMP